In the world of Zen, “as is” is described “as the natural state that comes into view after one has eliminated one’s own thoughts and boundaries”.
Some people seem to misunderstand this “as is” to mean “behaving as one wishes. The “as is” refers to “the state of things as they are,” not through the filter of one’s own values or frame.
What is “as you wish” is likely to be seen as “selfish” by the other party. When you act “as you wish,” you are, so to speak, putting your feelings on the other person, and the other person may perceive it as an attempt to control you.
To have the other person understand you is not to control them with your feelings, but to communicate yourself without being inside and out, being aware of the various values and habits of thought that exist within you. By showing them who you are, they will understand you and change into someone who understands you.
You will be able to remove your own assumptions that “I am this way!” and being able to be your natural self is just being yourself. In order to approach the “real you,” you need to know what feelings and thoughts you tend to have.
For example, when a colleague says something unpleasant to you, you may have a number of thoughts in your mind. You may experience feelings of “unpleasantness” or “unreasonableness,” as well as feelings of anxiety, wondering if you did something wrong, or imagining that you were buggered. All of this is “just the way it is” in your mind.
However, you suppress those feelings by saying, “It’s wrong,” or “It’s unpleasant,” but I don’t want you to hate me, so I’ll put up with it. This may lead to feelings of bitterness, as if you have lied to yourself, and in some cases, it may even lead to feelings of other-blame, as if you cannot forgive the other person for making you feel this way.
By becoming aware of all the various feelings that come up in you and accepting yourself as you are, you will be able to see what you can do about the other person’s attitude. By accepting all the good and bad aspects of yourself and thinking about what you want to do and what you want to be, you will be able to show others “as you are”.
Your self-base as a professional coach is created by trying to be “who you are,” and that real image is created by trying to be “as you are”.
コーチング情報局を運営する株式会社コーチビジネス研究所では、企業を対象としたコーチング研修、ビジネスパーソンを対象としたビジネスコーチング、個人の方を対象としたライフコーチングを提供しております。その他、コーチングを学びたい方のためのコーチングスクールの運営、経営者やビジネスリーダー向けにセミナーを開催しています。興味や関心がございましたら、お気軽にご相談・お問い合わせください。
This article was written in Japanese and converted into English using a translation tool. We hope you will forgive us for any inadequacies.
Coach Business Laboratory, Inc., which operates the Coaching Information Bureau, provides coaching training for companies, business coaching for business people, and life coaching for individuals. In addition, we operate a coaching school for those who want to learn coaching and hold seminars for executives and business leaders. If you are interested or have any questions, please feel free to contact us for further information and consultation.
